Archive for the ‘clowns’ Tag

Ghost Adventures: Clown Motel and Goldfield High School (2015)   3 comments

aaaaaatitle

Acrophobia, fear of heights, affects 3-5% of the population. Claustrophobia, fear of tight spaces, affects anywhere from 15-37%. Coulrophobia, fear of clowns, affects everyone with sense. Clowns are evil. It’s a well-documented fact. The Clown Motel in Tonopah, Nevada exists. It’s an actual thing. People pay money to register in a room filled with clown figurines of all shapes and sizes. They stay in rooms decorated with clown artwork and clown dolls. Those who stay at a place like this are obviously freaks and we’ll probably read about them someday in connection with a large shoe fetish cult.

aaaclownsign
If you see this sign, you have gone too far.

Anyway, the television show Ghost Adventures went to this weird inn to check on reports that odd things happen there. Well, duh. Located next to a creepy graveyard, the motel has clowns inside and dead guys outside. TripAdvisor needs to come up with a new rating system for this place.

aaaaaclowngrave
“I give this motel 3/5 tiny cars.”

The paranormal experts bring their entire arsenal of spook detection gear to check out the motel, the graveyard, and an abandoned school in a ghost town about 25 miles away. They also speak to few locals who claim to have seen shadowy figures appear out of graves and in clowncentric motel rooms. The motel owner recounts that, “A guy woke up in the middle of the night and experienced a clown in his room.” Clowns. One woman, who leads the guys through the old school, says she sees and feels the spirits of dead children along with something ominous; waves of dark energy and an evil force she can’t explain. During a burst EVP session (?), her right leg tingles, so…ghosts.

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View from the motel—which is full of clowns.

The intrepid and highly impressionable spectral detectives split up to cover more ground. A couple of them take a young motel resident to the graveyard where they use an SB7 Spirit Box and see a spirit that’s really a large bug. Then, they hook a magneto up to some wire and, just like in elementary school, they make a potato radio. No, wait.  They make a communicator and the ghost tells them a light turned on. Thanks, Ghost Captain Obvious. Two other guys on the team go to the school where they use a pocket ghost translator. They get a message that a little murdered girl is buried under the school, then one of the men climbs down into a crawlspace that would make John Wayne Gacy cringe. There, he’s sure a presence tells him to shove off, so to speak. Back at the Clown Motel, coulrophobic host, Zak Bagans walks around in a darkened room full of clown memorabilia. The hand of a large clown doll moves off its lap and Zak breaks the land speed record to get out of there.

aaaaaaclownoffice
Too. Many. Clowns.

All this, according to Zak, PROVES that there are ill-at-ease spirits haunting the school, the graveyard, and the bizarre motel. Sure, guys. What it proves is the power of suggestion is kind of a big deal and that people don’t want to think that the dead are gone. Oh, clowns are still evil.

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Proof.

 

haunty

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The Houses October Built (2014)   2 comments

october

WARNING: THIS FILM IS FULL OF CLOWNS!

Five people we don’t care too much about travel around Texas and Louisiana in a camper looking for the ultimate in haunted house attractions.  This found footage film chronicles a few days in the lives of these old friends who tell us absolutely nothing about themselves.  We know one of them dropped out of film school and that they seem to have an endless supply of cameras.  We know they eat junk food and are completely unprepared to deal with the low-life weirdos they meet on the road.  We know they’re not too bright.

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“Got any gum?”

Director Bobby Roe uses the shaky-cam technique and there are quite a few jump scares.  He also intersperses the story with interviews of haunted house employees and owners who describe how they’ll do anything short of murder to scare people.  Lovely.  That part was interesting, at least.

hanging
Trick or treat!

THE HOUSES OCTOBER BUILT did scare me.  It made me feel uncomfortable and annoyed.  I was worried that it might descend into I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE territory.  It had that vibe.  I was also bugged that the five main characters had so little sense.  Even after it became clear that they were in way over their heads, they insisted on looking for more sketchy haunts.  It’s hard to empathize with people you know so little about who compound each stupid move with another, stupider one.  I’d skip it.  Also, clowns.  Waaaaaay too many clowns.  That has to stop.

welcome
“Honey, the Welcome Wagon’s here!”

haunty

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